Heroin and the Future: Part I
“I want to tell you I love you, i can’t
like helen keller I’m at
a place where im taken for grant-
ed and I’m all fuckin mad. its
like whatever i do
i’m-a still lose you
you gon’ still hate me
and im-a still miss you
if you, want to wake up
we could make up like mac
and take a step back from us
to see where we went wrong and be victorious, glorious
we’re fuckin notorious
for being bad as hell
and baby, you know me well and better than
any of them
trying to break down our mansion like its been condemned
i could spend
a lifetime fixing things if you would let me in…..
but you dont
so instead i’m hanging here
and you’re holdin the rope
and im begging baby save me, save me
i know you capable
if you hate me, thats fine
cause at least im on your mind some of the time
and i can live with that
cause maybe one day you’ll look back and catch me on the right track again…”
Kody called me yesterday just to tell me he and his girl love me. Everyday I think about what I could possibly do for my great, genius friend Steve to show my gratitude for having him in my life. Daily, I am amazed at how quickly TJ innovates on the tiniest aspects of life without going through the cons of the situation. I want to be more to these people because I need them and they need me. Thats all I’ve ever wanted in life and thats where I feel I’m a finally.
Mihn once said something that sill rings in my head everyday: “Why don’t you just let things go? Don’t you get tired of having to be an asshole all the time?” That shit sucked. I’m currently in a situation that goes along the same lines. People want me to bite my tongue to make things flow smoother. My goals are to make the world a better world, sans bullshit. Anyone could put money in hand and literally “purchase” happiness and freedom, but who are the people to fix the pipes, caulk the seams, and drain the flooded halls? People like me. I look at things differently. I’m constantly trying to find a way to make the neighborhood we’ve got better, in lieu of simply moving. Rarely anybody around thinks that way. Its lonely. [Josh Rodriguez, I love you. I always will. You’re a genius in disguise.]
I always do my best to make things better by being one man, and never letting that waiver. However, to succeed in this business, I must conform. The pictures bigger than my motives.
In a way, I failed at life.
I can’t be what I always hoped I’d be.
That’s all.
